They say you should start every story with a hook. Here's my hook: a friend of mine came to my house about three weeks ago and confessed that she was seriously considering killing herself.
After many hours and tears I managed to convince my friend to go to the ER and sat with her all night there. She confessed to the crisis worker that her husband has been abusing her and that she was planning on overdosing that night. When her husband found out she was in the ER, he threatened to divorce her to make her leave. Mercifully, the hospital "blue sheeted" her, meaning she was held by law and admitted to the psych ward.
I'm a very recent graduate on the job prowl and living under a very tight spending plan (I've been using YNAB and it's spectacular!). Despite the narrowness of my finances and largely due to this lovely subreddit I've been striving very hard over the last year to build a little emergency fund. This emergency fund was the absolute tits during this trying time.
I told my friend I had the means to pay the hospital copay if she couldn't. During that night in the ER while she peed in a cup I bought myself some tea and snacks. Early in the morning I went shopping for a pair of drawstring-free sweatpants for her because she was sad and afraid and cold and hospital gowns suck balls. I also found her a book to keep her occupied, since psych ward patients are not allowed any form of media. When I was allowed to visit her at the hospital I bought myself a big old cafeteria meal with all the available comfort foods. When she got transferred to a hospital farther away I filled up my gas tank. When I had to cover her shift at work, after not sleeping for two days, I bought all the coffee. ALL OF IT. I didn't have the energy to cook so I ate out. When all the stress, sleep loss, and hospital time gave me a goddamn cold, I bought some medicine. After about three days in hell I finally got a chance to sleep. I rested so easily knowing my friend was safe and my finances were secure. All of the money I spent during that time was just sitting there waiting for something like this to happen.
She spent nearly a week in the ward and was put on medications. She says now she's happier than she's ever been. She's not out of the abusive relationship yet (that's going to be a whole other beast) but it sounds like she's gaining the tools she needs to take care of herself.
Shit happens, mental health is serious, and emergency funds are super rad. If you don't have one, start one.
Thanks for convincing me that the pain-in-the-ass process of saving for unforseeable events when you're poor is totally worth it.
-Wannabegroupie
You are a wonderful person 🙂
Good on ya!
Great job, OP! You are a good friend.
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Wow, go you! You are an awesome friend!
I have a shitty boss and a shitty job that I sometimes love. I love my job in concept, but in actuality the work/life balance I am looking for just isn’t there. My boss is easy to get along with, but is often offensive, doesn’t think things through, and is in over his head. The challenge of the actual position is right up my alley though, and I am learning things I’ve always wanted to know (just got this job a few months ago). The comfort of knowing that I can quit at any moment and I have a good six months of my salary in the bank is the only thing getting me through right now.
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As someone who was admitted into the psych ward a few months ago, I really thank you for what you did for your friend. When someone is in that situation, knowing you have someone who gives a shit can sometimes be the only thing keeping you from going bad to worse. Good job OP!
You’re an amazing friend! Good luck to your friend! You both sound really strong. Thanks for sharing
I am so glad I started an emergency fund. It came in handy when I was faced with the emergency of wanting a GTX 1070.
You’re awesome and a great friend!
*huge hugs* You are the bestest friend ever! Thank you for supporting her through this difficult time!
Great job! I highly recommend the rainy day fund to everyone because living tight with no breathing room will suffocate you at some point.
I had 2500 in my emergency fund when I realized A) my landlord cashed a bunch of my rent checks at once, one of them early, and B) I forgot to update the amount needed for direct deposit somehow so didn’t have as much in the account as I thought. I was able to front load the money I needed from the emergency fund tj pay for rent and loans for the next month. And I still have money left over in the fund.
You da real MVP OP
The book “Why Does He Do That” by Lundy Bancroft might be a perfect read for your friend – Bancroft works with abusive men, and the book is aimed at partners who have not left abusive relationships yet. It’s excellent, and iirc it’s a pretty easy PDF to find on the internet.
You’re a wonderful friend!
That is amazing OP! You hope you never have to use your emergency fund but it is so good to have it when it is needed, and you helped save your friend! Kudos for being a good friend 🙂
Wow… on behalf of everyone who has needed to go to the ER for being suicidal thank you for being so kind to her. It’s easy to loose hope that people can just care and have there be no strings attached. Thank you for your story
No media in a psych ward….so… wtf do they do all day to pass the time? I imagine talk to therapists but that can’t be an entire day. That sounds horrible. Come to think of it that’s the only thing I know about psych wards to date.
That’s cool. Shit eventually happens, I recently got denied unemployment unexpectedly which tore me up. I wish I had an emergency fund to cover my ass but didn’t. I always thought I would be okay and shit won’t happen to me lol I was wrong.
Emergency funds are so useful. My parents had enough money saved up for us to keep going for 18 months of no income.
You are the friend we all wish we have when we need them, and the one we all should aspire to be.
^^^^^^Also: ^^^^^^Free ^^^^^^health ^^^^^^care ^^^^^^is ^^^^^^great
Wish I had you as a friend right now
You, my friend, sure a superhero!
That’s awesome, and a really good point. Emergency funds can cover the small things too. I hadn’t ever really thought of it that way before, but my emergencies are more likely to manifest as a bout of depression than a car crash and I do pad my budget for things like, easy-eat snacks and shitty $5 bin movies and the occasional impromptu vacation to ride out the storm.
As someone who recently needed to be in inpatient for suicide, you are an amazing friend who truly saved a life.
I thought this would be one of them “That’s how i fell in love with her” story’s.
I’m sorry, but until your friend is out of that relationship, she will never get better. It’ll just keep cycling over and over. You can’t learn to be happy and love your self while your husband is beating you.
Hate to nitpick an otherwise uplifting tale of friendship and courage, but having worked in many psych wards before, I can assure you that psych ward patients ARE allowed various types of media. One can almost always be guaranteed of a common room with a T.V. (or two). Rec therapy and unit staff also show movies frequently. Also, there’s always a supply of books available to patients (a ward “library,” if you will). Oh, magazines too, plenty of magazines for patients.
There are angels among us! You are obviously one of them. Your friend is blessed to have you be her shelter in this storm. There is life after abuse – I wish your friend all the happiness there is to found outside of abuse. And I hope you recover quickly from your cold. Take care.
As someone who has recently been in the psych ward, thank you. You’re a great friend.
Well done OP! I’m very happy people like you are around to take care of people in need. However, I am not a native English speaker, so do you mind explaining “blue sheet” and “YNAB” a little further?
Thanks a lot!
“*During that night in the ER while she peed in a cup I bought myself* some tea and snacks.”
Was confused why you were proud of buying her a piss cup for a sold 6 seconds.
That’s the moment you feel rich. Not when you can cover all your own bases, but when you can help a friend in need.
[This page](https://attackthesystem.com/how-to-defeat-the-us-imperial-police-state/) has the only evidence of use of the term “blue sheeting” that I could find. Is that usage regionally confined? Can I ask you roughly what part of the world you’re in?
That is so selfless that you used YOUR emergency fund for someone else’s emergency and well being. As a former patient in a mental hospital, I can say that people like you who are there in your worst time are truly the best people out there. We need more people like you in this world OP
You are amazing OP. We have a lot of stuff to learn from you. I wish her happy recovery and to you I wish nothing but the best for being one of the most badass friend anyone could ever have.
The world needs more friends like you 🙂
I am currently sitting in the waiting room of an emergency vet, waiting for my dog, who is only alive because of my emergency savings.
He almost died from eating over a pound of dark chocolate covered espresso beans.
My splurge treat, and my carelessness with it almost killed him. My guilt is excruciating.
$1500 later, which, without r/personalfinance, i never would have had and I am just so incredibly greatfulI did.
I dont know what I would have ever done without him.
The freedom money brings when your not used to having alot of it is just amazing! My worklife is aboslute hell right now and it’s so comforting to know that if it all were to go to shit i have atleast a year or 2 i can support myself without working.
yo! respect to you for being a great friend!!
I come from a broke ass working class background so every now and then my emergency saves the day. Thing is I’ve “saved” the day so many times that my savings have vanished.
If only everyone knew the importance of budgeting 🙁
Nice! I love hearing stories like this. Not only are you a good friend, but said fund did it’s job…and not only for you, but for her, too.
Replenish it when you can. She may need some help when she starts the divorce process.
Awesome McAwesomeface! I hope your friend is ok after the whole thing and don’t forget to top up your emergency fund.
You’re good people’s groupie…..people like u give me faith that the world does still have compassion and sacrificial people out there
Good on you! Don’t forget there are resources to help your friend get out! YWCA has safe homes for just this reason! Your friend and you do not need to go this alone!
relationships like this are an addiction – try to keep that in mind when your friend is tempted to go back.
I am a psychiatric RN and I work in a behavioral health unit. It absolutely can be terrifying and daunting for a depressed person, especially if there are acutely ill psychotic patients, but learning that how you’re feeling is not only NOT YOUR FAULT, but that you can learn how to process these enormous feelings and be better is worth the struggle
I wanted to point out that while it is true patients cannot have personal electronic devices, it is mainly for the purpose of strict confidentiality. We take protecting privacy super seriously and when patients understand this, they mostly appreciate it.
Here’s my shameless plug for this population that I love: We have to remove this negative stigma around mental health. It is so important and can be as indiscriminate as any other disease. Stay well!
I’m sitting at $750 right now, I’m hoping to be over $1000 by the end of the month. I keep it in a separate account that I have to go out of my way to access, so I don’t have the temptation to tap into it when I don’t really NEED to.
As someone who has spent time in a psych ward for slitting my wrist, you’re amazing.
Also, sweat pants were the shit.